Molly Morello Day

Days like today I don't need coffee to keep me going through the night. Days like today the adrenaline and excitement of working where I work are enough. Of working with the people I work with. Of serving the President I serve. Of working for the boss I work for.

Days like today I think back to where I came from, I think back to all the people who've made me who I am, and I'm so thankful. The people who've given of themselves for me. The people who have sacrificed time and energy, for me. The people who have given me underserved second chances.

Days like today I remember what a privilege it is, how unlikely for an almost-farm-girl from the cheese state, with no decent college education, no pedigree, no friends in high places, what a privilege to have the opportunity to do what I do, to be part of affecting, potentially, the lives of millions. It kind of blows my mind, actually.

Days like today keep me going, make me glad I turned down that job offer, remind me that despite the frustrations this job may or may not bring to my personal life there is nowhere else I would rather spend my days and half my nights.

Days like today make me determined to make it count.

Mexico and stuff

You see. This, right here, is why I love him. No, not the comment about running home and getting my equipment. Not that. I mean, it's funny and all, would be funny if he said it to someone else at least, but not that.

He pretends not to listen. He pretends to mow down my arguments as though they were stupid.

Then he goes and finds the answers to my question. As if I matter. As if he cares that I know that I matter, that my questions matter.

And damn it, he's persuasive.

Yo Yo Ma Rules

... He really does. I couldn't take my eyes off him.

But then, I don't know why, but I did. I wanted to see if Josh was as captivated as I was; I love the look in his eyes when he's mesmerized by something. Usually it's politics, of course. Sometimes, every so often, I wonder if it's me. (And then I remember, no, Donna, that's only in your pathetic little daydreams, he's your boss, remember?) And I wondered, could music do this too? Music that makes your heart race like Yo Yo Ma does?

And.

I felt sick when I saw him. He looked as if he was going to explode. No, explode is what he does when a Congressman is being stubborn. This was more like imploding. His eyes were glazed and he was sweating so much that I could see it from my row. And I thought, why did I not sit next to him?

Why was I not there?

Why did I let him go home without talking to me?

I've scrolled down to his name a thousand times in my cellphone. I want to call him. But I'm also scared. I'm scared of what I'll hear if he answers; even more scared that he won't answer.

Would I be his first phone call?

I want to be his first phone call.

I want him to be okay.

He'll be okay, won't he? I want to phone CJ and make her tell me he'll be okay. But we don't know. No one knows. And I don't think CJ would appreciate being woken up at 3 am.

Okay. Let's think. Health and strength, please God. What you did physically please do it emotionally too. I want him back, whole and able to kid and not freaked out by bagpipes. Okay, maybe a little freaked out by bagpipes, since that is probably a sign of mental health. But you know what I mean.

Just make it through tonight, Josh. Tomorrow you see that Stanley Keyworth guy and he's promised me that I'll start to get you back after that. Not immediately, but that's fine. I can be patient, so long as I know you're on the right path and you're going to be okay.

Hell, I'd wait five years for you if I had to.

20 Hours in LA

David Hasselhoff!

And, Matt Perry!!

I met Matt Perry!! Who knew politics would be so glamorous?

And so nice to look at?

(He wouldn't tell me if Ross and Rachel get together in the end, though. No fun. I mean, come on guys, all that unresolved sexual tension is all very well - but we viewers can get frustrated you know!)

You want to know the really annoying thing, though? Maybe it was the champagne. It was almost definitely the champagne. And the sleep deprivation.

But Matt Perry kind of kept reminding me of Josh.

Seriously, if you squint, and you turn your head sideways. Try it.

I wonder if Joey Lucas has noticed that. Probably not, or she'd respond better to the rose gathering...

Feeling guilty that I made him go see her. I hope he's okay.

The secret plan...

... Okay, but I'm not so cured that part of me didn't want to hug him very hard (now he's had a shower and a shave), give him (decaf) coffee and lock myself in his office till midnight helping him to come up with a secret plan to fight inflation.

Much as he's unbearable when he's winning, I hate it when he messes up. Because I know what it does to him inside. And I can't protect him from that. I wish I could.

Pathetic, Donna Moss. What you need is a little misdirection. And a grip. Where might one purchase one of those?

Take this Sabbath Day... if only.

Well, that's me cured.

Golf? Seriously?

I wasn't going to do it.

I mean, seriously, trekking around a golf course lugging his stuff?

What did his last slave die of?

(Clearly, it could be a number of things: sleep deprivation. Overwork. Repetitive strain injury.)

But he looked so sad and so weighed down by anxiety after that deposition...

Of course I'll do it. It's the least I could do.

Maybe his last slave died of caring too much.

In excelsis deo

Wow.

I don't know how I didn't cry. Right there in my bullpen. Right there, hugging him. Hugging him till I had to let go because, well, it was work, but I could have held him forever.

He’s a great hugger. You can't take that for granted; it's not true of just everyone. But he puts his whole soul into his hugs,the way he does with everything else in life. And I could have sworn he did that smelling my hair thing. Which generally speaking can only mean...

Now my cheeks are aching from all the smiling.

You are, quite simply, indispensable. Essential to my well-being.
And I’m not just talking about the job.

I keep reading it. Over and over. Those are my favorite lines.

I’m indispensable to him. I make him who he is. We make a great team.

You know what? It’s Christmas. Just for once I will let myself go there. Just for once I will think happy, ridiculous, way-ahead-of-myself thoughts and allow myself to dream. Work can wait. Reality in in its coldness and harshness can wait.

I’m so happy. Did I mention that?

I love Christmas. Who needs skis anyway?

The importance of being cautious

Yeah, yeah. He da man, and all that. It's all ended fine.

But, let's face it, it could easily not have. I wish he'd exercise cautious optimism. It would just save a lot of us a lot of excessive blood pressure.

Ceilings not falling down would also do that, I guess.

Inches from his head, though. I mean, come on. How is it possible that someone so intelligent and so very definitely heterosexual could be such a drama queen?

And I should, apparently, take the metaphorical bullet for him?

Ha. Some nerve.

You know what, though? I think given the chance, I might.

But maybe I'm just feeling soft because he "could be dead". Or, something.

Antiquated?

I love it when he feels he does a good job on something. I love his proud little boy smile when he comes out of the Oval Office after the President has said well done.

I love it when with his eyes and a little tilting of his head he can say "told you so" to Mandy. I even love his smirk in those moments.

I love it, despite those sometimes inevitable and always unbearable kegs of glory, when he wins.

I love it even more when I'm part of it somehow, in some incomprehensible, fathomable-only-to-Josh way.

I love it when we win together.

The State Dinner

Oops. It's been one of those days.

Still, I hope he does keep in mind all the things that I do right. Tying his tie for instance. I'm pretty sure no one does that as well as I do.

Wonder what he'd do without me?

Yo Yo Ma seems like he rocks. I'd like to hear him someday. I'd also like to actually get to go to some of these dinners. These dinners with men in beautiful tuxes...

Chili

Tonight was fun. And that chili was the best it's been in a long time -not so much cumin. Maybe a little oregano. But hey, I'm no expert.

Wonder what that important NSC meeting was about, and why he won't tell me.

I hate not knowing things.

Like, why hasn't Donald called? We had a good night, right? And I only talked a little about my job. I think.

And where does Josh get the whole gomer thing from?

Plus, the eternal question... how do people die from vending machines?!

Financial disclosure

You know what I love about Mandy? The fact I'm no longer the only one fighting a losing battle trying to keep Josh humble. It does make me smile when he gets shouted at.

I worry when he wanders off like that, though. Wonder where he was going. Not to do anything stupid, I hope. Sigh. I can't protect him from himself forever. Or ever, really.

Still, he did good today. The VP may have taken the credit but I wouldn't be surprised if Josh had done most of the leg work. Maybe the tough guy act with the sunglasses... It's actually quite disturbing how attractive I find that.

Bet he looks good in that expensive tux too...

I want a raise

Wow. We sure could use a little light relief at work.

(No wonder we cling to what crumbs of gossip we can gather up from under the cafeteria tables. I’d kill to know what Sam’s been up to...)

Know what else I could use? That raise. Why does he think I’m kidding around with that? I’m not sure I’m paid enough to be barked at all day about wanting a salad then not wanting a salad. (Which was a bit of a relief – I thought for one minute that perhaps he had suffered a blow to the head, or something.) Then wanting water right now. Then my supposed inability to spell. Of course I can spell. Like he’s infallible anyway.

Hrmph.

I shall from now on make damn sure he always has something to do.

Though I gotta say, I’m glad he had the time for Charlie. The big brother role suits Josh; However much I may rail against him sometimes (okay, every day), he’s a fundamentally good guy after all. There, I’ve said it, and now I never need to say it again. Also, his gut instincts are often not as way off as I like to imply. (Someone has to keep his ego in check. And since I’m already so far beyond the call of duty.... Which brings me back to my point about my raise.)

You know what, though? Josh is right about one thing (and only one): this feeling, the one Charlie talked about, it doesn’t go away. And that, in the end, is why I’ll stay, despite the pathetic salary – for all eight years, maybe longer, obnoxious boss or no.

Muffins, bagels and kegs of glory...

Today definitely had the makings of an unbearable day – let’s face it, so many of them do – but it actually only took one muffin and the news about Mandy to shut him up. (Which seems to me to be a clear case of that whole post hoc, ergo propter hoc thing, but anyway.)

It's a shame, because I’d like to see him ford a river or have a go at slaying a serpent one of these days. Most likely his technique would be to yell for me, look away while I do it, then claim the credit. Hrmph.

I had fun drawing up the most complicated way of saying “I’m your boss.” I think someone is feeling threatened.

He makes me smile.

Days like this help me get things back in perspective. It’s not a crush after all. Just a soft spot for an eligible wannabe hero, that comes and goes and will surely be gone forever soon enough. I just need to draw up a few more of those ridiculous charts.

Amazing what a clean shirt can do...

Well, that’s a relief.

Josh keeps his job – I keep mine – everyone’s happy. Well, kinda happy. Seemed to me there was a lot of stress going round the West Wing today. More than usual, I mean.

It is, I’ll grant you, just about possible that some of the stress I was sensing was my own. Getting Josh to change shirts... wow. I should get a pay rise. A big one. (Long overdue, I might add.)

Truth is he looks pretty hot in any shirt, but hey.

I’m not about to let a stupid crush on my slightly arrogant boss get in the way of doing my job brilliantly. Already it’s lasted a lot longer than most crushes, so it’s bound to be over soon, right?