Saturday 21 November 2009

New Hampshire

You should be with me.

Well, yes, Josh, and I would be if we’d had the conversation I wanted and you’d told me your plans. Timing was against us. Well, mainly your busy schedule and your unwillingness to put me first was against us.

I hate that I’m not with you.

I hate even more that I’m against you.

I hate that Will uses that to his advantage.

Don’t you think I would rather be with you? I know there's been all that water under those bridges... but I also know you were there in Germany waiting for me to wake up. You were there. I thought... Oh, it doesn't matter. I'm not putting it black on white. But I did really think...

And then nothing.

Nothing from you, just a bit more of the same banter, a bit more devotion, from time to time, enough to keep me hoping. Just enough to keep me dangling...

I waited, I thought maybe, this time, maybe...

And I thought when I quit, that maybe...

But nothing.

And if my personal life isn't getting the lift I've so foolishly been hoping for all these years, then at least I've made the right decision with my professional life. Oh, how I'd love to be with you. But I can't do it anymore, Josh. I just can't. It's not fun anymore. It's gut-wrenching. I just can't. This way I can at least focus on the job. As much as you can when your heart is breaking.

You should be with me.

What I wouldn’t have given to have you say that to me every time I went out with one of my gomers.

What I wouldn't have given to have you say that before it was too late.

It's too late now.

You had your chance, you had eight years, you had a campaign to run, and if you hadn't held onto me so tight as your assistant, you could have had me... in so many more ways.

You should be with me.

You know what? That ship’s sailed. I know you’re hurting. But you’re not a child and you need to take some adult personal responsibility. Please don’t lash out at me. If you can’t be adults about this, I’m getting my bristles out too. I have to protect myself.

You should be with me.

Well, yes.

2 comments:

  1. Lovely story! I think this is probably exactly how Donna might have felt. Josh was an idiot for cancelling the lunches. I do think it would have been problematic on a lot of levels for Josh to tell her how she felt after Gaza, especially since as far as he could tell she had a new boyfriend. (If she hadn't shared his feelings, it could have felt like borderline sexual harrassment.) You at least make her thought process a little more understandable and sympathetic to me, though I wish she would acknowledge that she's at least as guilty of not sharing her feelings as Josh is!

    Oh well...hopefully those two finally got it together and found real happiness! (I wasn't very satisfied by the so-called resolution they gave us at the end of season 7, though.)

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  2. Thanks Laura!! Praise indeed :) I have it on good authority that they are living happily ever after, so worry not!

    http://donnamoss.blogspot.com/2009/12/ten-years-on-from-in-excelsis-deo-looks.html#comments

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