a bit of an oversight

He was so angry. I made him so angry. Man, I hate that. I’m normally the one who calms him down when he’s mad.

He doesn’t own me, though, right? I can go out with whom I like. Right?

Right?

I understand why he was mad. I really do. But it hurt so much to see that look on his face. Like I’d betrayed him. Which, I suppose, I had. But not on purpose. It’s not like I went out of my way to hurt him, out of my way to choose a Republican on Ways and Means. Doesn’t he know I’d rather be with him?

Doesn’t he know that?

But if you can’t be with the one you love... then... love the one you’re with. And with Cliff, I think I could do that. He’s a good guy. He’s funny. He’s cute. He’s... well, let’s just say the other night was GOOD. Yes, he’s a Republican. But not all of life has to be about that. Does it?!?

But that’s all over now. Because it looks like I’d have to choose Cliff or my job. And after just two dates, I can’t possibly make that kind of decision.

It’s all politics. I hate that sometimes. I hate that life has to be so complicated.

I hate that I can’t pursue what could have been a great relationship with a good guy. I hate that I can’t see Cliff again.

I hate that Josh is mad at me. And I hate that for once he’s kind of right to be mad. And I hate that I can’t make it better for him.

Aargh. What a mess. Maybe I’ll call in sick tomorrow...

Inauguration Day

Wow.

Today of all days, I want to be more eloquent than that. I should be more eloquent than that.

But, wow.

What a day. What a privilege. What a moment.

I never dreamed I could feel like this... I'm going to erupt into song if I'm not careful.

I have to pinch myself every day to check I am not dreaming. But even my overactive imagination could not have conjured this up. Chief of Staff to the First Lady. What a moment in history. And I get to be a part of it. I even get to claim to have, in some small way, helped make it happen.

I certainly can claim credit for keeping the man who made it happen sane and alive. Health and vitality is what I prayed for him years ago, on the night he was shot. It seems God has given him so much more. And given me so much. Ten weeks in, I can't believe I still get to wake up next to him. I'm calm, collected outwardly, and I'm so happy and serene and that shines through, but inside I don't think even he can guess what's going on. A million butterflies. I'm, what's the phrase, walking on sunshine. I'm with him on one thing - well on many, but anyway - "this is what your first smack high must feel like". One hell of a high though!

It's a whole new era. Saint Exupéry said, "L'amour, ce n'est pas se regarder dans les yeux, c'est regarder ensemble dans la meme direction." I believe that's the key to how we made it. (That and my tireless patience!) And that's the key to how we will make it, despite the stress, the sleepless nights, the Amy Gardners, and who knows what else awaits us.

It's also the key to how together we can help make this greater nation greater. President and Mrs Santos, God bless you. God bless America.

And God bless this beautiful man sleeping by my side. Keep us safe, keep us together. Together fighting for this cause. Could there be a more beautiful dream?

Introduction to my blog!

Well, the baby's kicking, but showing no signs of engaging, so here I am, stuck at home, w a i t i n g, interminably waiting, while Josh goes out and does the fun stuff and comes back to report how my ** hopefully ** temporary replacement is doing. It's killing me, stuck here like this, but I want this baby so much, and sometimes I wonder if that is not killing me more. I want this baby not just for his or her own sake but because, well because, when you love someone this much, when you feel not just your head but also your heart is going to explode from love, to create something, a whole new life, with them. Wow. It's awesome. I never imagined I could feel like this.

Too many commas I know, but I'm just writing from the heart. At least these days I don't need to worry about shorthand. Or spelling. Speaking of which Carol is popping by later, it will be lovely to see her.

Anyway, whilst I am stuck at home, exploding with love and impatience for this baby, exploding with love for my amazing husband, I have been getting things ready and finding bits of my old diaries... All day every day organising stuff at work, I used to come home at night and I had to write, it's like a compulsive thing, but sometimes I couldn't find my diary. I know it sounds crazy from an efficient girl like me. But when you sleep for four hours a night and everything at work has to be perfect, sometimes keeping your flat tidy isn't the priority. And then of course when Josh used to fail to exercise cautious optimism and turn up drunk in the middle of the night to yell at my roommate's cat - well, I used to have to quickly hide it, just in case, not that he ever would... I don't think... And in the early days he probably wouldn't even have guessed there was anything in there that would interest him... But anyway, I'd hide it, then I wouldn't find it, so then I'd write on just about anything I could find. Even napkins and tissues sometimes.

All of which means there are random bits of random diaries scattered amongst my posessions. And I wanted to conserve them for posterity. So I am typing some of them up here. In no particular order. Enjoy.